I had a wonderful experience early this morning, but, before I elaborate on it, I should first mention that S [one of my sons] was complaining of pain in his ear last night. That will become important later.
I went to bed last night not feeling very well and woke up feeling the same way. I woke up around 5:00 am and went to the bathroom seeking relief from some serious abdominal pain. After being in the restroom for about 20 minutes, and with no relief from the pain in sight, I got up to make sure that J, J, and B [three of my sons] were awake for seminary. I went back to bed, but found it difficult to find a comfortable position in which to lie down. N and J [two more sons] had crawled into our bed and were both in locations that made in difficult for anyone but a contortionist to find a comfortable spot. After trying to fit my body into the small spaces that were left over, I decided to move them around to different locations. I finally found a position that alleviated enough of the abdominal pain to allow me to start to sleep. As I started to doze, a thought came to my head. "You should study Mosiah, chapter 15." I knew exactly which scriptures I was being asked to study. I had been making a matter of sincere prayer the teachings about the Son being in the Father and the Father in the Son and how Christ is both the Father and the Son. It has always been one of those teachings that I could feel I wasn't wrapping my head around completely. I don't like doing mental gymnastics and I felt like that is exactly what I was doing when studying this subject. Even with all of the mental cartwheels and back bends, I never felt like I received clarity about the matter--not the kind of clarity that comes when the Holy Ghost teaches. In any case, I knew that I was being prompted to study the first four verses of Mosiah 15 regarding this subject. My quick reply to the thought was, "Now? But I am just starting to finally fall asleep again!" Then came the thought, "How badly do you want the answer?" Ugh! How do you argue with that?!? I wanted the answer and so I rolled over and pulled out my scriptures.
I read verses 1-4 a few times and didn't really feel like I understood the scriptures like they were meant to be understood. Then I tried to focus on my relationship to Christ and how that could be compared to His relationship with the Father. I pondered on the light of Christ and how it animates me, how it gives me life and breath, and how it gives me power to maintain my life here on this earth. All of a sudden, it dawned on me that Christ is probably not powered by His own light. In verse 3, when it mentions that Christ is the Father because He (Christ) was conceived by the power of the Father, what I understood was that there is something about Christ being the Only Begotten of the Father that allows Him to partake of the light and power of the Father. We do not experience this. We are only able to partake of the light of Christ, but, in so doing, we align our flesh with the mind of Christ and, consequently, the mind of the Father. Christ was the Father and the Son because he was made flesh and aligned that flesh with the will and light of the Father. My "ghost" is holy when I align my flesh with the will and light of Christ. They are one and I become one with them through Christ because of His light which is in me. He is in me and I am in Him in the same way that The Father is in Him and He is in the Father when my thoughts and actions are governed by the light that resides within me and when they are a reflection of what He would do if He were here in person.
As I reflected on those thoughts, I dozed off to sleep again and "I dreamed a dream". I dreamt that S came into my room, climbed up on my bed, and started to complain about his ear hurting again. I told him to come closer to me so that I could look inside of his ear. I grabbed my phone, turned on the flashlight, and looked into his ear. I could see his eardrum, but not very well. I also saw what looked like three little threads by his eardrum and thought that those were what was causing the irritation that he felt in his ear.
When I pulled away from his ear, a doctor was sitting on my bed. He had an otoscope and I mentioned to him how much I had always wanted one, but had never bothered to purchase one because they always seemed so expensive. I told him that they were always well over $100. He told me that he didn't think they were really that expensive and that he was able to buy the one he was holding for a little over $60, which I immediately thought was more reasonable. I asked him if I could use his otoscope to look into S's ear and he freely obliged. He even went so far as to show me how certain attachments with which I was completely unfamiliar worked.
When I looked into S's ear, I was horrified. The three "threads" that were in his ear were moving, undulating back and forth, and I realized that they were the legs of some foreign insect that I did not recognize. I immediately looked for something with which to remove the insect from his ear. I grabbed a Q-tip (I know, you shouldn't stick them in ears! Whatever!) and attempted to clean out his ear canal. Five or six little tick-like bugs were pulled out of his ear and I immediately understood that I had to kill all of them or they would easily disperse and find their way into the ears of other members of my family. I took them over to a counter where I killed all of them, though some of them were very difficult to kill. When they were dead, S came to me and said that he had removed something from his ear. I didn't know what it was at first, but I slowly realized that somehow he had managed to remove his actual eardrum. It was very delicate and I set it down gently, knowing that it could be replaced with little effort. I then decided to feel his ear and placed the end of my pinky finger into his ear canal. I felt something like a single toothbrush bristle lying at the bottom of the ear canal and started to try to pull it out. It turned out to be the long, lancet-like mouthpiece (like a proboscis on a mosquito-had to look that one up ;) ) of another, even larger and more disgusting, insect. It fell out of his ear and onto the floor and I killed it quickly, as well.
Now, I don't really care for bugs, so, needless to say, I awoke from the dream with my skin crawling a little, but I recognized it as one of those dreams that definitely had an interpretation to be understood and so I began to ponder. I understood that the clarity that I had been given regarding the scriptures in Mosiah was to help me rid my children of the false teachings that they are being taught and the misunderstandings that they have. I understood that the first few insects were precepts and teachings that were being put into the ears of my children that can be relatively easy to clean out, but difficult to kill. They are also easily spread if I don't kill them quickly. I also understood that the more threatening "insects" are the ones that are on the other side of the eardrum or, in other words, in the mind. They are the misunderstandings, traditions, and long-held beliefs that I cannot get to unless my children come to me with their ears open and ready for me to help remove them.
I was so grateful for both the clarity of the scriptures and the interpretation of the dream, but the best, and yet most disappointing, part of the whole morning came as I shared my dream with M [my husband]. While relating the dream to him, the Spirit bore witness to me that the doctor in my dream was Christ-that He had actually "come" to me in my dream. I understood that the clarity about the scriptures was not really as expensive as I thought it was. The price I was asked to pay for the understanding that I received was not as unreasonable as I had originally thought. I didn't have to lose as much sleep as I thought I would. And what great truth came to me as a result! And what a great benefit it will be to my family! Once I accepted that the cost was worth it and was willing to pay for the otoscope, all I had to do was ask to use it and it was freely given (with instructions, too). I am still learning that that is always the case. The cost of certain blessings might seem high, but only from our limited perspective.
Tears flowed so freely as I realized how much Christ loves me and how personal His interactions with me are. I have to say, however, that I felt a tinge of regret as that realization dawned on me because, as I tried to remember what He looked like, I realized that I had never looked directly at Him. I was so engrossed in the other details of the dream that I never really bothered to look at the unassuming, unpretentious, humble, gentle Physician. I could kick myself for that!! Mentally, I have kicked myself for that at least a dozen times!!
I was completely humbled by this experience. God is so patient and kind with us and ever-ready to bless us when we come to Him with our ears ready to hear!
S came to me later that morning and I asked him how his ear was doing. He said that it was fine and acted none-the-worse. I feel as though the pain in his ear the night before was just to prepare my mind for the beautiful experience that was to come. :)
I have also realized that we are all S. All of us have just as much need to open our ears and allow the Great Physician to heal us of all of our misunderstandings and traditions.