Repentance

The following is a testimony delivered on August 6, 2017:

A little over a month ago, I was approached by someone who means a great deal to me, who was very young, and came to me asking questions about repentance and, over the course of the next few days after that, my thoughts were just all over the place thinking about what this person had brought up to me. She was struggling with the fact that she thought she was doing everything that she could to repent, only it was tangible to her that it was not yielding the fruits in her life that she thought would happen. Her nature had not changed. Her ability to overcome her emotions, or her temper, or those things that hurt the people that she loved the most were not changing, and she was still dealing with the same frustrations that she had always been. It caused me to have, like I said, a lot of thoughts and a couple of experiences that I would like to share if you will indulge me for just a few minutes.

In the book of Alma, we have two accounts of true repentance—almost, what I used to consider, miraculous repentance, and those are the accounts of King Lamoni and his father. And I remember being like this person that approached me, growing up, going, “Why am I still given to my own nature? Why am I not having this change of heart that...that, just, is tangible-people can see it—it’s just monumental in my life?” And I have come to, I think, glean a few things from those couple of accounts, and I would like to share those things, and I think that anyone who asks questions like, “Why do I succumb to this temptation over and over again? Why can’t I beat this thing in my life? Why don’t I hear the Lord’s voice in my life? Why can’t I be more loving? Why can’t I be more kind?”—all those kinds of questions—if you are asking those kinds of questions in your life, then I think these are great experiences to draw upon. The fact of the matter is God...well, in the Lectures on Faith, Joseph Smith says, quite clearly, that God is unchangeable. He does not change. And he is no respector of persons. He didn’t give King Lamoni and his father this wonderful change of heart just because they were kings and that we shouldn’t expect that change of heart. He’s no respector of persons. He loves all of his children just as much as the next. And, so, if we are not having the same experiences that we find in the scriptures, then something’s wrong with us and not Him. He is unchangeable. He is no respector of persons.

Now, I always thought it interesting, too, that...you know, growing up, I had heard that...well, I wasn’t a missionary, I mean a quote-unquote “missionary,” right?—you know, with the name tag and everything—but I had known enough about what the missionaries teach and the approach that they took to know that Ammon and Aaron take a very interesting approach right off the bat. Here they are surrounded by these people who would kill them, in a heartbeat, just because of who they were and the moment they get an opportunity to teach something to the Lamanites, they go to the Creation, and the Fall, and the Atonement, and there is a reason for that. There is a reason for that because if you don’t understand the Fall and its effect on you—its application to your life—then you do not understand the Atonement and its application to you and how it can be effective in your life.

I’m not going to go through this whole account because the story of Ammon is just amazing. He...it’s one of those ones that, you know, my little boys — “Let’s tell the story about how he cuts off all of the arms of the Lamanites, right? As they try to scatter the flocks!” It’s just really...it’s like superhero material, right? But I want to fast forward to the point at which he starts addressing King Lamoni. And King Lamoni is just, “How on earth did you do this?” He sees something in Ammon that he knows, even as king, he does not have. He is honest in heart to that point, and he sees and he knows that Ammon can detect the things that are in his mind and in his heart, and he asks Ammon,

How knowest thou the thoughts of my heart? Thou mayest speak boldly,... 

(In other words, I won’t kill you.)

...and tell me concerning these things; and also tell me by what power ye slew and smote off the arms of my brethren that scattered my flocks—

And then this is key:

And now, if thou wilt tell me concerning these things, whatsoever thou desirest I will give unto thee; and if it were needed, I would guard thee with my armies; but I know that thou art more powerful than all they; nevertheless, whatsoever thou desirest of me I will grant it unto thee.

I’ll give you anything. Anything you want.

Only he doesn’t know what Ammon wants just yet, but Ammon comes back and says,

Now Ammon being wise, yet harmless, he said unto Lamoni: Wilt thou hearken unto my words, if I tell thee by what power I do these things? And this is the thing that I desire of thee. 

You have to listen to me. You have to believe. That’s the only thing I want. 

And the king answered him, and said: Yea, I will believe all thy words.

ALL HIS WORDS! And then in the next few scriptures he talks about the Great Spirit and they, kind of, come to a common understanding about God, but later it says that Ammon starts...

...he began at the creation of the world, and also the creation of Adam, and told him all the things concerning the fall of man, and rehearsed and laid before him the records and the holy scriptures of the people, which had been spoken by the prophets, even down to the time that their father, Lehi, left Jerusalem. And he also rehearsed unto them (for it was unto the king and to his servants) all the journeyings of their fathers in the wilderness, and all their sufferings with hunger and thirst, and their travail, and so forth. And he also rehearsed unto them concerning the rebellions of Laman and Lemuel, and the sons of Ishmael, yea, all of their rebellions did he relate unto them; and he expounded unto them all the records and scriptures from the time that Lehi left Jerusalem down to the present time. But this is not all; for he expounded unto them the plan of redemption, which was prepared from the foundation of the world; and he also made known unto them concerning the coming of Christ, and all the works of the Lord did he make known to them.

And then, verse 40.  And you’ve got to understand. Think about this for just a minute. He’s telling him that everything, basically, that he believed was true is NOT TRUE!!! He had to go back and tell him whatever justification Laman and Lemuel used to say that Nephi usurped power over them and that they had a right to the same privilege that the Nephites had, he had to clear that up and King Lamoni had to reject it. And he did. In verse 40, it says,

And it came to pass that after he had said all these things, and expounded them to the king, that the king believed all his words.

He DID believe, and to the extent that he believed, King Lamoni had a change of heart. If King Lamoni had said, “You know, that stuff about the creation and God and heaven I’m willing to believe, but your brother, Nephi, you know, your ancestor, Nephi, he was still a charlatan,” he wouldn’t have had the same mighty change of heart that he experienced, but that’s what happens. He begins

...to cry unto the Lord, saying: O Lord, have mercy; according to thy abundant mercy which thou hast had upon the people of Nephi, have upon me, and my people. And now, when he had said this, he fell unto the earth, as if he were dead.

And later on we find out that Ammon says he is being...that that veil of darkness and unbelief is being cleared from his mind and that he is being filled light—which we know is truth—and that is how you receive a mighty change of heart. That is how you repent. Because, you know, all of your actions and misdeeds?  There are no “5 Rs,” here, of repentance. He doesn’t come to somebody confessing all his sins so that that person can help him through a “repentance process.”  He has a broken heart and a contrite spirit and the Spirit is able to work through him to bring a mighty change of heart. 

That’s important because, in the Sermon on the Mount, the Savior talks about how it’s not that you just don’t kill your brother. You have to stop at being angry. You have to turn your thoughts towards Him. It is the beliefs that you have in your mind that cause you to justify your bad actions in the moment that you have a decision.  But, as you gain light and you gain knowledge, you are empowered to make correct decisions. It is the love of God and it is the knowledge that He gives to you that enables you to do that. [Another person who had previously spoken] just quoted Joseph Smith when he said that “a man is saved no faster than he gains knowledge.”  That’s because knowledge is what changes you. 

This is beautifully portrayed, also, in the creation story. That’s why Ammon goes back to the creation. Because Adam and Eve, they’re naked, right? And let’s assume that, for just a second, we’re not talking about actual nakedness. Let’s talk, let’s assume, for just a moment, that their nakedness is analogous to their lack of knowledge. And, even after they partake of the fruit, they try to cover up with fig leaves, but even they know that it is pitifully insufficient because they go run and hide. Even the knowledge that we think we have, when we come into God’s presence, it’s not enough. It’s only when they approach God with that broken heart and contrite spirit, recognizing that they have done something wrong and that what they have is not enough, that God takes an animal skin (and there is symbolism in that). He takes an animal skin, and He prepares a covering for them. The Atonement is meant to give you a baptism by fire to burn out the natural man in you to prepare you for the greater light and knowledge that the Lord is prepared to give you once you make that commitment that you will believe Him. And by slowly doing that, over and over again, you are able...the “end” of that process is that you come into His presence. And I know I got chastised last time for “teaching” instead of “bearing testimony,” but this IS my testimony! This is my testimony.

**The following paragraph was given based on my understanding at the time. I plan on writing another post with some pretty cool insights and will post the link here. ;)

And, I’ll try to make it quick, but, in Hebrew, Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement. Those three consonants, the /K/ and the /P/ and the /R/ (כ-פ-ר) can also change like “read” (present) and “read” (past) in English. You can have the same letters, but you pronounce them differently, right? And another way you can pronounce that is “kafar,” which means “covering.” So essentially, the same word for “atonement” means “covering.” And if you will let me for just a couple more minutes, I want to tell you about a dream that I had after this person came to talk to me. I dreamed that I was in a great field with many of the people whom I love very dearly. And, a little ways into the dream, I understood that this field was not just a field, but that it was actually a building, but it was big enough to make me have the impression that it was a field, but there were walls surrounding this field and there was no roof of any kind on this building. As I looked up into the sky, there was a great storm just black as night and approaching, gathering very quickly. Everybody else in this building saw it, too, and they all ran for what was the furthest corner in the building away from this gathering storm. And, as we were all running, in the middle of this field I saw a big pile of blankets—huge pile of blankets. You couldn’t miss it. It was out in the open and I tried to tell people, “Take a blanket. Put it over you. Cover yourself from this storm.” And there were people who looked at me like, “What pile of blankets? I don’t see it.” Or, if they saw the pile of blankets, they didn’t understand what it meant to just take the blanket and put it over them and cover themselves with it. And as I gathered my littlest children under a blanket as this storm was approaching—and it wasn’t just a storm. This was a fire and brimstone storm—I understood that if these people did not get this blanket on as quickly as possible, they were headed for destruction. And so, even as I was under the blanket, it was, “Take the blanket. Put it over the top of you. Seal down the ends of it as tightly as you can. Make sure that nothing is outside the blanket.” And I understood their confusion, still, because they were so panicked about the storm. And I woke up and I immediately understood the interpretation of the dream because of that Hebrew word which means “covering,” and I understood that it applied to this person who came and talked to me about repentance and how she didn’t know how to cover herself. 

And it is my testimony to you that the Atonement of Jesus Christ is meant to give you a baptism of fire. It is meant to give you that so that you can be covered by light and knowledge and understanding which protects you from your Adversary. It gives you protection from all of those thoughts that he would put in your mind that you would believe to justify your actions in the moment that you make a decision. And I have a testimony that, if you don’t learn how to apply repentance in your life, there is destruction that is coming. There is destruction. And if you make it through [some of] the temporal destructions, there is, most assuredly, a spiritual destruction if you don’t have that covering.

I bear my testimony that Christ’s gospel is true. He was sent by the Father to be raised up on a cross to take upon Him our sins that we might be raised up to Him if we so choose and that His doctrine is faith, repentance, baptism, the reception of the Holy Ghost, and you endure to the end which is to come into His presence. And, [as was mentioned earlier], it does not have to be in the next life. In fact, it should be in this one. It should be like all of those other accounts that we read in scripture. I know the Book of Mormon is true, and I know repentance is real and, if you do it the right way, you’ll feel the changes that you see in scripture and they will become part of your life and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.