This blogpost has been sitting in my drafts for weeks. It is probably the most heartfelt post that I have written to date. Ironically (and very sadly), it is a post that my former self would have completely disregarded if she had read it just a few years ago. I’m ashamed to admit that, but hopefully this post will help someone value what follows now more than I would have back then.
In my last blogpost, I recounted how the Lord had given me a desire to seek a face-to-face encounter with him at a pretty young age. He renewed that desire in my adulthood with the following scripture:
6 Behold, this is the doctrine of Christ, and there will be no more doctrine given until after he shall manifest himself unto you in the flesh. And when he shall manifest himself unto you in the flesh, the things which he shall say unto you shall ye observe to do.
Because of the very powerful invitation that I received in my youth to seek the Lord’s face, it was in my mind that having that experience would be the paramount experience with him. He gave me a glimpse of what it would be like, and I had never felt anything like that before. To say that my desire to “come into his presence” has been a consuming desire in my life would be a gross understatement.
And at this point, I’ll issue a spoiler alert: I haven’t yet had that type of experience with the Lord. It is something that I continue to seek, and I have every hope and every reason to expect that it will happen at some point based on my experiences thus far, but it isn’t something that I am able to give a first-hand account of at this time. It isn’t something that I wish to diminish in any way, either. I believe it’s important—necessary, even—and at some point there will be a “Part III” post to these verses, but the relationship that I have with him right now has come to mean more to me than I thought it would or could.
What does it mean to have Christ “manifest himself to you in the flesh?” Have you ever really thought about that? What does “manifest” mean? What about him would you want him to manifest to you? What about him do you think he would want to manifest to you? Whose flesh is this verse talking about? Yours or his? Is it important for him to manifest himself to you “in the flesh?” Why or why not?
The word “manifest” means “to make plain or clearly visible to the eye or understanding; to make apparent.” So, when Nephi says that Christ will manifest himself to us, what part of Christ is he talking about? Whatever part it is, it won’t be something that is plain, or clearly visible, or understood, or apparent. It will be something that is hidden from or misunderstood by us.
In the physical realm, it is easy to understand that there are parts of us that are hidden from each other. It isn’t too long after we are born that we are clothed, and portions of our physical bodies are hidden from others with whom we have a less-than-intimate relationship. In the scriptures, “knowing” someone is a common euphemism for sexual experience because that relationship reveals more to an individual, physically, about another person than any other, less-revealing encounter does.
What relationships, in your mortal experience, mean the most to you? Are they the ones formed with another person as you pass each other in the aisle of a store? How about the ones you form with business associates? Friends? Family? Are the depth and strength of your relationships affected the most by the physical encounters that you have with people, or do the most precious relationships you have with others consist of something much more intimate than any physical relationship can produce? Without a doubt, it is the latter. And this is because we are not just physical creatures.
The singular, most important objective in this life is to “know” Christ. Our highest aspiration should be to understand and incorporate into ourselves everything about him that makes him who he is. That obviously necessitates a relationship with him that goes beyond an encounter with his physical form. His manifestation of himself to us requires us to understand all of the truth he knows, all of the desires he has, and all of the reasons why he does what he does. It requires us to comprehend his love. And, remember, anything that is “manifested” begins in a state where it is hidden, unclear, unseen, and misunderstood. We shouldn’t be so naive as to think that what we learn about his love and character will effortlessly fall into line with what we already understand about truth, light, and love. It won’t.
Because of our fallen natures, there are aspects of the Lord’s character that are necessarily hidden from and misunderstood by us. It takes our entering into a specific relationship with him to enable him to begin revealing to us those aspects of his character that we do not yet understand. He has sprinkled clues about his character throughout all of creation, but it takes a greater and greater portion of his Spirit for us to come up to the point where we correctly understand everything around us that testifies of him. Our fallen natures consign us to a starting point in life that has to undergo massive improvement before that can even begin to happen, but that is precisely the reason why God has commanded us to repent—so that he can bring about that “mighty change” in us.
What does “manifest[ing] himself unto you in the flesh” mean? Does it mean that he manifests himself to you when he is “in the flesh,” or does it mean that he manifests himself to you when you are in the flesh? What good would it do you to have him reveal his character to you when he is in the flesh as opposed to the good it would do you to have him reveal his character to you while you are in the flesh?
113 This is the end of the vision which we saw, which we were commanded to write while we were yet in the Spirit.
114 But great and marvelous are the works of the Lord, and the mysteries of his kingdom which he showed unto us, which surpass all understanding in glory, and in might, and in dominion;
115 Which he commanded us we should not write while we were yet in the Spirit, and are not lawful for man to utter;
116 Neither is man capable to make them known, for they are only to be seen and understood by the power of the Holy Spirit, which God bestows on those who love him, and purify themselves before him;
117 To whom he grants this privilege of seeing and knowing for themselves;
118 That through the power and manifestation of the Spirit, while in the flesh, they may be able to bear his presence in the world of glory. (D&C 76)
Having his Spirit manifest to us while we are in the flesh enables us to “bear his presence in the world of glory.” Those words are so pregnant with meaning, and they don’t have a time stamp to them. The Spirit of the Lord is gained line upon line, and anyone who seeks to acquire it in its fullness will experience incremental fulfillments of its promised result in this life. As we acquire greater and greater portions of the Spirit of the Lord, we are meant to overcome the flesh and to stand in glory (intelligence, light, truth). That process happens in this life—while we are in the flesh—and our ability to stand in greater measures of glory (intelligence, light, truth) will serve as an indication that progress is being made. The opposite is also true.
7 And now I, Nephi, cannot say more; the Spirit stoppeth mine utterance, and I am left to mourn because of the unbelief, and the wickedness, and the ignorance, and the stiffneckedness of men; for they will not search knowledge, nor understand great knowledge, when it is given unto them in plainness, even as plain as word can be.
I used to wonder why Nephi stops so abruptly in this verse, especially when it would seem that he wants so desperately to say more, but I don’t anymore. I haven’t for several years, and I feel like my understanding of why Nephi says what he says here grows more and more each day, even though the fact that I have not had a physical encounter with the Lord stands as a stark and humbling reminder to me that my understanding is not yet where it is meant to be. This verse is such a perfectly appropriate way to draw Nephi’s message in chapters 31 and 32 to a conclusion—because it is only in applying what Nephi teaches in these chapters that one can come to the point where they don’t wonder why Nephi says what he does.
As what was previously hidden to you is made manifest, you will find it harder and harder to communicate what you learn to other people. So many things of the Spirit do not have counterparts in our mortal language, and until a person experiences those things themselves, that person will not be able to fully comprehend what any other person attempts to convey to them in our crude and inadequate language.
Which is probably the reason why Nephi goes on to conclude chapter 32 the way he does.